It's time for a king size bed...

It's not a matter of waning love. Or selfishness. Or a bad mood. It's simply a matter of sanity...because if I can't have a proper night's sleep, well, let's just say, someone may get hurt. It's usually not pretty.

For years I could wiggle my legs and arms this way or that way to try and find room somehow on the bed in order to get a proper night's sleep. I've even made peace with the seam of the mattress more times than not, even when I didn't go to bed mad. But lately I just can't handle my numb right arm anymore. The numbing feeling is starting to become more often and for prolonged periods of time since it serves as a cushiony pillow most of the night for some people...

The thing that made this whole situation unbearable lately, is the fact that I can't seem to fall asleep anymore. I really struggle and almost nightly still look at the alarm clock way after midnight. I've started surfing the web in the wee hours of the morning or read a book for which I can't find time during the day etc. But it's not supposed to be this way. I'm not a happy camper if I don't get my 8 hours of sleep, and me being grumpy is working against the benefit of all around me. Maybe if I can sort out my issues with Wee Willie Winkie, I would be more equipped to absorb this inconvenience.

What's holding me back though, is the fact that all the beds in the house currently, are queen size, which means that all my bedding are the same size as well. I therefor have quite a collection of sheets, duvets, comforters, pillow cases etc. made for queen size. Upgrading, or rather upsizing the mattress to king size would not only mean buying a new mattress, but also a bigger headboard, and base, and bedding, and maybe even new nightstands, and chest of drawers, and, and, and...We're talking a small fortune here.

All these factors make me rethink this whole new venture. At least I have a bed to sleep on, and someone next to me. Warm sheets. I'm otherwise healthy - apart from the stiff joints in the morning as a result of less than desirable limb positions during the night and grumpiness as a result of not enough sleep.

So I'm back to square one: should I rather spend the money on a holiday where the hotel room will have a king size bed??

A word of advice Kate...

If you tie your hair, you would actually have both hands to attend to your dress. Calgary is a windy place...

You must be kidding me!

It's happened again - like too many times before!

They've discontunued another one of my favourites. And this time it's a perfume. According to the lady behind the counter, it happened two years ago already - just like that. No warning, no survey, no reason I can think of that would justify this treacherous act - by my standards that is - just gone, forever. I usually have a spare bottle of all my perfumes but now that this special fragrance of mine has been running low, I started looking to buy the next bottle or two to last me the next year or two. Just to be told: it's been discontinued. I almost started to cry right there and then in the middle of the store. She must be mistaken, this salesperson, or misinformed, or mis-something. But alas, after asking at another store the next day, the salesperson dared to tell me that she's never even heard of that fragrance - how dare she! I'm at a loss without this fragrance - truly the most beloved smell I've ever known. And of course I have lots of other bottles of perfume, but none as close to my heart as this one. This smell has become part of my identity. The smell my husband knows me by, with which memories are called upon. That smell and I were one. And now it's gone.

Maybe I should phone Charlize Theron and ask her if she can't find me a bottle of this - she should have some contacts since she is the face of the perfume. And not the golden bottle - the SILVER one please.

The reason why this news was met with such an extreme reaction from me, is the fact that it was just one more thing I love, that disappears, with me not having any control or say over it. It's so sad that it's almost funny and my family is starting to joke about it even. Every dish I love in a restaurant gets taken off the menu sooner or later, depending on how much I love it. The more often I visit the restaurant and the more attached I get to the meal item, the higher the probability gets of the item being removed from the menu as if it never even existed.

I write e-mails, I beg them to bring back that specific meal item every time I go back there, I surf the web for the recipe, I cry and bemoan my fate to everone who takes the chance to listen to me, but no way - it's gone!! "Hardly anyone ordered it ma'am". But I ordered it you fool - every time I came here, and I couldn't have come every day of every week just so there would be a big enough demand in your estimation to keep the item there!!!

Why do they keep doing this?? What have I done wrong? Seriously. Who informed the "track-your-favourites-so-we-can-take-it-away" police to follow my every move? Because they sure are diligent in recalling everything I like. They know just who to contact in order to discontinue the restaurant items, potato chips, perfume, cooldrink, jackets (or blazers if you will) and whatever else I like. It's creepy crazy. Or do I have a singular taste, in that I am the only person on this planet earth, buying the things I do and that no one else shares my sentiment about certain things and therefor the demand is not big enough so the manufacturer/restauranteur has no choice but to quit production. The old principle of supply and demand which goes against everything I believe in. If I have great taste, why should I be penalised because not enough people catches on to my preferences?

I can almost replace each and every favourite thing in The Sound of Music song by the same name, with things that have been my favourites but no longer exists!

The other thing that bugs me is the fact that when I do find a thing I like - just before "they" stop production of that thing too, my size is ALWAYS the one that's sold out - at ALL the stores who carries this thing. You see what I mean? They have it in for me - big time. Just can't figure out why.

I'm at my wits end. I may just as well throw in the towel. What the heck - they're probably already tracking down the next thing to quietly tuck away in the vaults of  "favourite things never to be seen again".

Wear yourselves out people! I'm quitting!

Yes, I am a beaver!

The beaver is quite a prominent figure on many a thing in Canada - a national symbol. From money to flags, even my favourite beer, you name it, it's there.

It just so happens that the beaver can wreck quite a bit of havoc in springtime since they are constantly trying to block the flow of every creek and riverstream in order to build themselves a cosy home. This habit of theirs is the cause of many a flooding even in our little neighbourhood since we have a creek running through our subdivision. It became such a big problem that the County - our municipality - is still sending their people almost daily to come and have a look at our creek and break down any barriers built by these little creatures overnight.

Let me state it clearly: I am a much bigger fan of the beaver than the ant. The ant may be busy but the beaver even busier. And the ants wreck my garden, every flowerbed and piece of lawn are invaded by them - in their thousands, I may add! They are very low in my esteem at the moment. They're even eating away at my house's foundation since our house is built almost entirely with wood - how I do miss a brick house now... Don't see much use for them either. Seriously, what precisely are they doing or contributing to society or nature in general? They don't make honey like bees, or eat mice, or catch mosquitos (another one of nature's nuisances and annoyances) or control the balance of certain other species.

But the beaver is a different story. They have the cutest little faces. And I do admire their swimming abilities - you have to give it to them: with a body built like that...Although I do not quite condone their constant chomping off of trees. They should be rationed in this regard but until we can find a way to communicate with them in a way that would be constructive, I can't see this happening soon. But on the other hand, how should they otherwise keep those pearly whites of theirs, sharp?

Which brings me back to me. In this house, I am being called "the beaver". And it's not because I have prominent front teeth or because of my agility in water (which I don't have, by the way)...It's because I am constantly busy - building a home, chomping off trees, rearranging the wood, swimming to shore, collecting some more, attending to the family - all proverbially speaking of course.

What is it about us that we feel we must constantly attend to something. Not to be caught for even a second doing just nothing, or reading a book, or taking an afternoon nap, or sit on the deck for some much needed sun. Oh no, we have to keep moving! This still needs cleaning and that can be re-organised to look even neater, and those need some replenishing and before you know it, it's time to start with supper, but then you need an ingredient or two for such supper, so it's in the car, buy it, speeding back and on you go!

Maybe it's because of the enormous guilt of not having to work - at a salaried job - that I feel I have to work twice as hard during the day to earn this privilege of staying home. Not that it was a choice of my own choosing - life just turned out that way for me. I do admit of feeling a bit envious when seeing people in the rush hour to and from work, dressed and stressed, and excelling in what they do, but I am also quite aware of the trappings it also brings. I decide every day whether I want to dress up or down, wear make-up or not, and yes, sometimes I clean the house in a Calvin Klein dress! I am working, ain't I? But the boss of me, is I!

I just need to stop feeling as if someone is watching over my shoulder and keeping tabs of everything I've done today. Of giving report at the end of the day - or everytime my husband calls during the day - of every detail I've accomplished and what will still be done before the weekend comes. Although, in this job, the work never really stops - no business hours here. Over weekends the wheel keeps turning, the beaver still runs, or swim, to keep head above the water. To keep the nest intact.

"Ledigheid is die duiwel se oorkussing" has way too much leverage over us. And then comes Proverbs 6 that promps this beaver-like behaviour of mine even more when it says: 6:4 Permit no sleep to your eyes ¹⁴or slumber to your eyelids. And further  - 6:6 Go to the ant, you sluggard; ¹⁷observe its ways and be wise! continuing with - 6:9 How long, you sluggard, will you lie there? When will you rise from your sleep? ²⁰6:10 A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to relax, ²¹ 6:11 and your poverty will come like a robber, ²² and your need like an armed man. 

^{This weighs heavily on me, and my Calvinistic tendencies do not permit me either to put these thoughts on the back-burner, even for a little while. So I keep moving, fervently and sometimes annoyingly, ruining everyone else's peace and quiet. But I'm working on it - putting a task on hold here and there, but only until I drive past that creek again and see my namesake, the beaver, going at it at his usual pace...}